Steve moved out on Liz in 2007. I knew he was going to do it, since he'd confided in me about it.
He'd told his son Matt also, that they would be going. I recall Steve being in my home in Falmouth for lunch in February of 2007, and it was at that time that he told me all about Liz's violent assault on their son the previous Fall, for which she was arrested. [Note: It was not until much later that I actually read the Police's file; which did not happen until I became aware, via Steve, that Liz could be a danger to me]. Steve told me at that same lunch that every day his son was asking, "When can we leave, Dad?". It all seemed so sad to me.
What I didn't know at the time....and what Liz didn't know, their son Matt didn't know, Steve's family didn't know, and even his closest friends didn't know (other than Matt Gilligan) was Steve's long history with his mistress. At that point it was nearly a decade that Steve was lying to ALL----the most important of whom was his wife------and somehow getting away with it
So that was the subject of the lunch. Steve was talking about Liz's violence. He told me she would punch holes in the walls of the house. I vividly remember asking him if she was ever violent towards him, and he said yes. We were in my dining room sitting opposite each other, and I remember getting up out of my chair to walk over and give him a hug. I told him that he should have told me sooner, and asked if there was anything I could do to help.
What I didn't know at the time....and what Liz didn't know, their son Matt didn't know, Steve's family didn't know, and even his closest friends didn't know (other than Matt Gilligan) was Steve's long history with his mistress. At that point it was nearly a decade that Steve was lying to ALL----the most important of whom was his wife------and somehow getting away with it
So that was the subject of the lunch. Steve was talking about Liz's violence. He told me she would punch holes in the walls of the house. I vividly remember asking him if she was ever violent towards him, and he said yes. We were in my dining room sitting opposite each other, and I remember getting up out of my chair to walk over and give him a hug. I told him that he should have told me sooner, and asked if there was anything I could do to help.
The Big Move:
He did indeed move out, a week or two later. It was very weird because he wouldn't tell me his address....he said that he "Need[ed] to concentrate on Matt", which was fine with me and I really didn't think too much about it at the time. I knew where it was when he told me it had been a project of a guy named Risbara. Of course many months later he disclosed to me that he was initially at this new home with Lynda, and was worried that I might "stop by" and thus didn't want to give me the address......which I'd known anyway. Again, this was totally weird because not only had I never "stopped by" at his abodes (unless one includes the open-door policy everybody in our college dorm had for our rooms back in the 1970's); I've never appeared unannounced ANYWHERE----not to family, not to friends. Just showing up somewhere unannounced is not my gig.
It was well over a year later that Lynda "stopped by" my own house unannounced (but caught by security camera), and left her crazy letter. The letter referred to her being together in the condo with Steve and stated, "Steve and I sleep like babies in OUR bed together", and "I love Matt like a son". I had a serious relationship another person, which Steve knew. So I was like, what the hell is this supposed to be about?
It took quite a while before I learned that Steve wasn't all about "protecting" his son, and that his condo had a revolving door. I was told by a few people that Steve spent a lot of time at the bar of a place called Profenno's, and that sometimes he go so drunk that he would even phone his 16-year-old son to come pick him up!
Steve and I had been friends for a long time, and it was my understanding that we were honest with each other. I ACTUALLY THINK HE WAS ALWAYS HONEST WITH ME, UNTIL AFTER HE LEFT LIZ!!!! He would come over to my house for a make-your-own-sandwich lunch, and would tell me EVERY time that I was the only one of his friends that he could confide in-------I think basically because I was his only close female friend, and his guy-friends didn't talk about personal issues in the way he did with me. No doubt about it; I was privy to a lot of his grief over his life at home.
This was not some one-shot-deal; we talked about this every so often over the course of at least 15 years.
It was well over a year later that Lynda "stopped by" my own house unannounced (but caught by security camera), and left her crazy letter. The letter referred to her being together in the condo with Steve and stated, "Steve and I sleep like babies in OUR bed together", and "I love Matt like a son". I had a serious relationship another person, which Steve knew. So I was like, what the hell is this supposed to be about?
It took quite a while before I learned that Steve wasn't all about "protecting" his son, and that his condo had a revolving door. I was told by a few people that Steve spent a lot of time at the bar of a place called Profenno's, and that sometimes he go so drunk that he would even phone his 16-year-old son to come pick him up!
Steve and I had been friends for a long time, and it was my understanding that we were honest with each other. I ACTUALLY THINK HE WAS ALWAYS HONEST WITH ME, UNTIL AFTER HE LEFT LIZ!!!! He would come over to my house for a make-your-own-sandwich lunch, and would tell me EVERY time that I was the only one of his friends that he could confide in-------I think basically because I was his only close female friend, and his guy-friends didn't talk about personal issues in the way he did with me. No doubt about it; I was privy to a lot of his grief over his life at home.
This was not some one-shot-deal; we talked about this every so often over the course of at least 15 years.
I indeed spent small amounts of time at his condo, but usually just an hour or and hour and a half, not more than once a week. We were just hanging out.
That's another thing that needs clarification. At one point Steve said to Peter Cyr, "Marjorie always brought over great quantities of alcohol". The implication here is that I "got him drunk"......an accusation that Liz actually made in court (in spite of the fact that she wasn't present in the condo).
THIS IS PATENTLY UNTRUE......he did fine on his own. For example, if it was a work day, I might bring a few groceries over and make dinner for him and Matt (sometimes two different dinners, because Matt was a fussy eater). I knew money was tight, and so I'd usually pick up extra groceries and leave them for him. And I'd cook things that Steve was unlikely to make for himself------lobster-stuffed baked potatoes, veal involtini, chateaubriand, that sort of thing. So I would always bring a bottle of wine. One time I brought champagne, because it was his birthday.
I never brought any other alcohol of any kind......certainly no hard liquor. I did not have a key to his apartment, and so would wait to hear he'd arrived home before driving over, which took half an hour. Invariably by the time I arrived Steve was on his second martini......at least.
I never drank more than 2 glasses of wine, because I always expected I would want to drive home. On weekends I would usually bring a six pack of Bud Lite beer, and drink two-------possibly three if it was a very long, sunny afternoon.
Weeknights Steve drank martinis very quickly, and inevitably was quite drunk by 9:00 or so. He had early mornings, between his job and getting Matt to school in Gorham. So I didn't really have a lot of interest in staying around, and very rarely did so.
THIS IS PATENTLY UNTRUE......he did fine on his own. For example, if it was a work day, I might bring a few groceries over and make dinner for him and Matt (sometimes two different dinners, because Matt was a fussy eater). I knew money was tight, and so I'd usually pick up extra groceries and leave them for him. And I'd cook things that Steve was unlikely to make for himself------lobster-stuffed baked potatoes, veal involtini, chateaubriand, that sort of thing. So I would always bring a bottle of wine. One time I brought champagne, because it was his birthday.
I never brought any other alcohol of any kind......certainly no hard liquor. I did not have a key to his apartment, and so would wait to hear he'd arrived home before driving over, which took half an hour. Invariably by the time I arrived Steve was on his second martini......at least.
I never drank more than 2 glasses of wine, because I always expected I would want to drive home. On weekends I would usually bring a six pack of Bud Lite beer, and drink two-------possibly three if it was a very long, sunny afternoon.
Weeknights Steve drank martinis very quickly, and inevitably was quite drunk by 9:00 or so. He had early mornings, between his job and getting Matt to school in Gorham. So I didn't really have a lot of interest in staying around, and very rarely did so.
Steve was given a "come to Jesus" moment. I guess he didn't realize that his former partner, Sam Marcisso, and I might actually TALK with one another....
At this point I'd loaned money to Steve---at $10,000 a whack. Steve asked for this because, and I QUOTE from his Federal Court testimony, he needed it to maintain his condo (with Lynda). I recall when I found this out, I said to Steve, "I know I speak for All Womenkind when I say that no woman would simply GIVE a guy money so that he could leave his wife to go live with a mistress". [Note: you'd think Liz would THANK me for defending her on that].
Apparently Steve had a senior moment, because he told the Court he needed my money to pay for the condo. Well, oops, because Sam was ready to testify that he (via his business) had paid for Steve's condo for 6 months. Lots of lying----neither Sam nor I was happy. I have never asked Sam if this was one of the reasons he let Steve go, but I can't imagine it helped.
Apparently Steve had a senior moment, because he told the Court he needed my money to pay for the condo. Well, oops, because Sam was ready to testify that he (via his business) had paid for Steve's condo for 6 months. Lots of lying----neither Sam nor I was happy. I have never asked Sam if this was one of the reasons he let Steve go, but I can't imagine it helped.
Then there was a short period of time that that was very confusing to me. I was having issues with my own husband. At that point Steve was making noises about ramping up our relationship into a romantic one. He would say things like, "Do I have to woo you?" Seriously, he has a very arch way of writing....and sometimes speaking; because that's a direct quote. "Woo" me??????
So without a doubt, I thought about it. But I know myself quite well, and I knew that it would not turn into anything I'd be interested in pursuing. It was a matter of values.
Steve's values are not my own. That's not a condemnation; it's a simple fact.
Things that matter to me don't matter to him (and I presume, vice-versa). Here's when I knew there was NO WAY I'd ever be with this guy:
We were on a boat having a meal. He'd been talking a lot about how bad Liz is as a wife. He said something to the effect of, "I stay with Liz only because of Matt". So I of course asked what he was going to do once Matt was grown and out of the house. He said, "There would be no reason for the marriage". Well, obviously.
We then got into crazy Lynda. I said, and I KNOW this is exactly what I said: "What will you two talk about over the dinner table once the sex wears off?" and he said he didn't know. He said, "I have a lot more in common with YOU". I recall laughing and telling him I wasn't sure about that, but I did then ask the Sixty-Four-Thousand-Dollar Question: I said, "Both of these women are uneducated and really pretty stupid. They know nothing about current events; they know nothing about literature and the arts; they're not witty; they know nothing about the world; they know nothing about how the upper class lives, yet they think they do and try to imitate it. Neither can ever be a true partner and help-mate to you. Neither can have an intelligent, funny conversation of the kind we have with our Bates friends. Doesn't this bother you, that you will be condemned to a life like that?"
Things that matter to me don't matter to him (and I presume, vice-versa). Here's when I knew there was NO WAY I'd ever be with this guy:
We were on a boat having a meal. He'd been talking a lot about how bad Liz is as a wife. He said something to the effect of, "I stay with Liz only because of Matt". So I of course asked what he was going to do once Matt was grown and out of the house. He said, "There would be no reason for the marriage". Well, obviously.
We then got into crazy Lynda. I said, and I KNOW this is exactly what I said: "What will you two talk about over the dinner table once the sex wears off?" and he said he didn't know. He said, "I have a lot more in common with YOU". I recall laughing and telling him I wasn't sure about that, but I did then ask the Sixty-Four-Thousand-Dollar Question: I said, "Both of these women are uneducated and really pretty stupid. They know nothing about current events; they know nothing about literature and the arts; they're not witty; they know nothing about the world; they know nothing about how the upper class lives, yet they think they do and try to imitate it. Neither can ever be a true partner and help-mate to you. Neither can have an intelligent, funny conversation of the kind we have with our Bates friends. Doesn't this bother you, that you will be condemned to a life like that?"
And Steve said.......drum-roll please......
"It's not a deal-breaker".
It was that moment, on a boat, that I knew for a fact what I'd always suspected-------that Steve and I don't share values, and were better off as just friends.
Not a moment went by after that, that I didn't steer him back towards what we'd had for 35-plus years-----friendship only.
It was that moment, on a boat, that I knew for a fact what I'd always suspected-------that Steve and I don't share values, and were better off as just friends.
Not a moment went by after that, that I didn't steer him back towards what we'd had for 35-plus years-----friendship only.
So what's with Liz? It's my opinion that she's identified me as a scapegoat for her own failings.
Liz did not know of my existence for at least 30 years. This is interesting in itself. MY husband has always known who my college friends are.....and is not threatened by them. My ex knew Steve, and had seen him at our home together several times when Steve and I had lunch. One has to ask why Steve kept his friendship with me under wraps for THREE decades!!!! If my husbands-----yes I had more than one in those 30 years-----didn't feel Steve was a threat, why does Liz STILL think I am?
Apparently I'm just SO gorgeous and irresistible to men that I am a threat to her marriage. I find it odd that she attributes so much power to me.
Apparently I'm just SO gorgeous and irresistible to men that I am a threat to her marriage. I find it odd that she attributes so much power to me.
But Steve kept on......
As I mentioned in an earlier chapter of this book, Steve and I kept in touch in spite of what Judge Crowley predicted. Steve and I had some kind of fundamental understanding of each other.
We've known each other longer than he's known Liz. We've known each other longer than I've known my husband. There is just some kind of fundamental understanding that we ALL have----those of us who shared a life for 3 years in a dorm, at a particular place at a particular time. I do think that the times-----the early 70's-----affected this and made us all closer than average. There is a bond there that cannot be broken. It was a shared life that only those of us who were there can understand (and probably contributed to Matt G.'s marriage to Mame).
Yet Liz tries to make her husband forget that. How well do you think that will work?
We've known each other longer than he's known Liz. We've known each other longer than I've known my husband. There is just some kind of fundamental understanding that we ALL have----those of us who shared a life for 3 years in a dorm, at a particular place at a particular time. I do think that the times-----the early 70's-----affected this and made us all closer than average. There is a bond there that cannot be broken. It was a shared life that only those of us who were there can understand (and probably contributed to Matt G.'s marriage to Mame).
Yet Liz tries to make her husband forget that. How well do you think that will work?