Bad etiquette memories, brought to you by the McCuskers
I've got to leave the boat and buzz back down to SoPo , because I've been asked to give a eulogy at a Catholic church that's known locally as The Church of the Weeping Jesus, because it has an almost frightening piece of artwork outside (it's so upsetting that it was the topic of a newspaper article). Anyway, I am reminded of the last time I was there for a funeral, which was for Steve's father.
Do you want to really give comfort when a friend or family member loses someone? And what is the proper thing to do in that circumstance? WRITE A LETTER. It doesn't have to be long, but it has to be handwritten and sent through the mail. Do you REALLY think that taking all of 2 minutes of your precious time to sign one of those "on-line condolences" really shows any caring whatsoever on your part?
Having an actual handwritten letter after a loss, from your friend's actual hand, is a source of comfort. A letter with words of solace, held by a friend (from her hand to yours) is read over and over. A few lines tossed off on a computer, taking less time than you do to maintain your Facebook page, tells your friend----and the world----that you don't really care. And that you weren't brought up very well.
Similarly it reminds me of how after Steve's father's service, Steve said to me, "Thanks for stopping by". Huh? "Stopping by", as though I was passing through the neighborhood? This goes right along with McCusker's lack of etiquette later----I contributed a significant amount of money in the McCuskers' name to the Barron Center (as the family had asked, in lieu of flowers) and did not receive any acknowledgment whatsoever. Generally when somebody makes a contribution in your name, you thank them (especially after a death; the thank you should be written). This also goes to condolence letters, by the way----one writes back, perhaps just a line, thanking the person who took the time to think about you. Not one member of that family did that. They either feel total entitlement in terms of gifts, or they are troglodites about etiquette. I'll go with the latter. [Just wait until their nephew Jake decides to pursue a political career----his extended family's actions are going to be difficult to overcome in these days of social media).
Liz also doesn't understand that one doesn't have a fund-raiser for oneself or one's family. (for that matter,it's extremely poor etiquette for a family member of the bride to give a shower-------only a friend can do the shower, not a family member. Read Miss Manners!)
But in 2006 Liz apparently thought she could shake people down by inviting them to the Thomas Room. She stated to several people that she thought she could "open it to the public" and get 150 to 250 people to give money to her family!!!! She called it "Ed's benifit" [sic]. She was going to have her brother's flag "emboraded" [sic] in his honour. Oh, and there would be balloons.
The way they live their lives is so different from my own, that I just have so much trouble processing it. And all that wouldn't bother me except that Liz has made it so clear to so many folks that she thinks she has lived an upper-class lifestyle------both via her comments about her life as a "boat captain", her comments about how much "class" she has, and her myriad comments abut her lifestyle when they lived on Fort Hill Road and even after that.
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Do you want to really give comfort when a friend or family member loses someone? And what is the proper thing to do in that circumstance? WRITE A LETTER. It doesn't have to be long, but it has to be handwritten and sent through the mail. Do you REALLY think that taking all of 2 minutes of your precious time to sign one of those "on-line condolences" really shows any caring whatsoever on your part?
Having an actual handwritten letter after a loss, from your friend's actual hand, is a source of comfort. A letter with words of solace, held by a friend (from her hand to yours) is read over and over. A few lines tossed off on a computer, taking less time than you do to maintain your Facebook page, tells your friend----and the world----that you don't really care. And that you weren't brought up very well.
Similarly it reminds me of how after Steve's father's service, Steve said to me, "Thanks for stopping by". Huh? "Stopping by", as though I was passing through the neighborhood? This goes right along with McCusker's lack of etiquette later----I contributed a significant amount of money in the McCuskers' name to the Barron Center (as the family had asked, in lieu of flowers) and did not receive any acknowledgment whatsoever. Generally when somebody makes a contribution in your name, you thank them (especially after a death; the thank you should be written). This also goes to condolence letters, by the way----one writes back, perhaps just a line, thanking the person who took the time to think about you. Not one member of that family did that. They either feel total entitlement in terms of gifts, or they are troglodites about etiquette. I'll go with the latter. [Just wait until their nephew Jake decides to pursue a political career----his extended family's actions are going to be difficult to overcome in these days of social media).
Liz also doesn't understand that one doesn't have a fund-raiser for oneself or one's family. (for that matter,it's extremely poor etiquette for a family member of the bride to give a shower-------only a friend can do the shower, not a family member. Read Miss Manners!)
But in 2006 Liz apparently thought she could shake people down by inviting them to the Thomas Room. She stated to several people that she thought she could "open it to the public" and get 150 to 250 people to give money to her family!!!! She called it "Ed's benifit" [sic]. She was going to have her brother's flag "emboraded" [sic] in his honour. Oh, and there would be balloons.
The way they live their lives is so different from my own, that I just have so much trouble processing it. And all that wouldn't bother me except that Liz has made it so clear to so many folks that she thinks she has lived an upper-class lifestyle------both via her comments about her life as a "boat captain", her comments about how much "class" she has, and her myriad comments abut her lifestyle when they lived on Fort Hill Road and even after that.
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