I’m a firm believer that marriages should be built on love.
I am a firm believer that marriages should NOT be built on “needing each other”.
My husband and I deeply love each other, but we don’t “need” each other. We are both financially independent and individually successful. But we’re definitely a team, with neither of us a dominant player.
Which brings me to another point: In life, we should all at least TRY to be successful people. This does not necessarily mean chasing money, but it does mean being successful as a human being.
It means that one shouldn’t use threats to keep a husband (“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”). Can you imagine how unattractive that is? It made Steve feel forever trapped. It certainly didn’t make him “love” her more; just the opposite!
Armchair-psychologist-wise, it’s my opinion that the only reason the McCusker marriage survives is because Steve himself has some deep psychological need to “be needed”. Statements by both Liz McCusker and Steve McCusker indicate that she (by her own admission) is mentally ill. Perhaps it gives Steve raison d’etre. Because NO MATTER WHAT happens to him during any given day; he can go home and, as he put it, “listen to Liz constantly complain”. But then, in some kind of limited way, he can “fix” things for her (as he did by agreeing to file a PFH against me, on specious terms).
How’d that work out for you, Steve?
[Or perhaps he just feels trapped by Liz and has felt that way from the time he married her…..since that’s what he told me on so many occasions that I’ve nearly (but not totally) lost count].
The second piece of what a marriage is built on is, “Do my friends like her? Would I even like her as a friend?”.
The answer has always been “no”. He has a best friend who stated under oath that he can’t stand Liz. Under oath!
But the real problem is, if they weren’t married, Liz likely would not even be on Steve’s radar. When I asked him if he would be friends with his now-wife, I was astounded to hear him say, “No, we have nothing in common”.
I am a firm believer that marriages should NOT be built on “needing each other”.
My husband and I deeply love each other, but we don’t “need” each other. We are both financially independent and individually successful. But we’re definitely a team, with neither of us a dominant player.
Which brings me to another point: In life, we should all at least TRY to be successful people. This does not necessarily mean chasing money, but it does mean being successful as a human being.
It means that one shouldn’t use threats to keep a husband (“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself”). Can you imagine how unattractive that is? It made Steve feel forever trapped. It certainly didn’t make him “love” her more; just the opposite!
Armchair-psychologist-wise, it’s my opinion that the only reason the McCusker marriage survives is because Steve himself has some deep psychological need to “be needed”. Statements by both Liz McCusker and Steve McCusker indicate that she (by her own admission) is mentally ill. Perhaps it gives Steve raison d’etre. Because NO MATTER WHAT happens to him during any given day; he can go home and, as he put it, “listen to Liz constantly complain”. But then, in some kind of limited way, he can “fix” things for her (as he did by agreeing to file a PFH against me, on specious terms).
How’d that work out for you, Steve?
[Or perhaps he just feels trapped by Liz and has felt that way from the time he married her…..since that’s what he told me on so many occasions that I’ve nearly (but not totally) lost count].
The second piece of what a marriage is built on is, “Do my friends like her? Would I even like her as a friend?”.
The answer has always been “no”. He has a best friend who stated under oath that he can’t stand Liz. Under oath!
But the real problem is, if they weren’t married, Liz likely would not even be on Steve’s radar. When I asked him if he would be friends with his now-wife, I was astounded to hear him say, “No, we have nothing in common”.